An anniversary

One year ago today I awoke at my normal time, about 0730 and lay in bed for half an hour, dreading feeding my grandmother.

I dressed then went to the kitchen and ground her pills and added the first to a small bit of Nestle Boost VHC, opened a pouch of Nestle Breeze(Orange I believe), and filled her cup with 32 oz of water.

I changed her brief after I woke her and got her sitting up. I got her first pill down her, then over the next hour, got her to drink the vhc pill mix of the rest of her meds then changed her again.

I went to rest for a bit.

An hour or so later, her bath nurse arrived and she got changed again and bathed.

Then her nurse came. And her breathing changed. The embolisms in her lungs had grown big enough she was gasping for air.

She got her first dose of morphine.

An hour later, another dose.

And all through the day, dose after dose as I sat, staring at a Pratchett novel, two pages in after eight hours, still unsure what I was reading.

I called one of her friends to ask his advice about something else.

And then it happened.

I didn't hear her breathing. I stood up, dropping my book, and saw her chest no longer rising.

I called hospice.

Ed, her friend, arrived. He and his daughter sat with my grandmother's corpse until the hospice employee arrived to clean her and call the funeral home employees.

And I was numb.

I called other friends to let them know. I let my mom know.

All i wanted at that moment was my daughter. I wanted her mom. I wanted my mom. I wanted to not be numb.

And on today's anniversary, my daughter is still the one I wish was with me.